Every time someone finds out I have two autistic children I get pretty much the same response. It goes something like, “wow, that must be hard”. My response is pretty much the same too, “I guess oh, but they’re my kids, ya know.”
My special needs moms never give me that response, they just nod their heads, “Mhm, I know girl, I know.” I give them a non-verbal action back,
Ya, it’s hard, it downright sucks. But what kind of mom would I be if I shouted that, oh wait, I know,
An honest mom!
I contemplate putting tequila in my mug at least twice before 7 AM ever arrives.
Truth hahaha. When I wake up Little Miss Psychopath it’s a bloody nightmare. Whatever she’s doing that day she doesn’t want to do it. I could be taking that kid to Disneyland and she’d still have a meltdown upon waking. She told her BI today it was because she didn’t like surprises. The surprise she was referring to was when she asked me what was for dinner tonight and I told her what was for dinner tonight (excessive eye roll).
Sometimes I wish they were typical, but that would mean they wouldn’t be them.
I often wonder what things they could achieve without the extra challenges. Not that they can’t achieve them now, just that it’s a lot more work so they very well might not. It’s okay if they give up on somethings. But if they were typical what parts that I absolutely love would be gone? I just can’t go there with a mom who hasn’t gone there.
I am under more stress than you could ever imagine.
Honestly, I would never say that to a typical mom. Who am I to judge her stress? But also, I have a typical child and I know first hand it’s WAY easier and WAY less stress. I jump when the toaster pops up, not because I’m jumpy, because I think, “Oh no what was that!!” ( the scenarios that then run through my head are, someone jumped out their window, someone stuck a paperclip in the socket again, someone tried to force something through a wall or maybe Sir.E is just banging on his ceiling again from his closet, and around 100 more totally insane scenarios) Then I remember I put a piece of bloody bread in the toaster a minute earlier. I couldn’t actually tell a typical mom those things, because I wouldn’t ever want to bring another mother down, ↞ clever rhyming on my part right there. A study done at the University of Wisconsin noted that Mothers of Autistic children are suffering from the same amount of stress a combat war veteran suffers from, except we’re raising kids and
somewhat functioning in society all day.
I cry over their special needs, tears of sadness.
We have to put a brave face on. When you become a special needs parent I think it’s a well-known fact that your kids change you. They force you to become the parent they need you to be. If you can be humble, it’s much less painful. That’s what you tell everyone, “oh I’m the lucky one”. Sure, I feel like that somedays. I feel blessed and lucky to have a chance to witness these amazing children, but I also still grieve for them and the hard life that lies ahead. The trials I have to witness every day right alongside those miracles. It’s heartwrenching to know they are in pain because of a disability and not be able to take that away. If you’ve ever had your child in the hospital, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Now do that every day. Relive that every day.
Like I said, it sucks. But also, it rocks. I promise I’ll do a positive post on this too, “5 things special needs moms brag about” to come next ;).
Are you a typical parent? I know you still feel these because I am too! Tell me about some of your feelings you can’t tell other moms! I’d love to hear them, obviously, there’s no judgement passed here bahahaha, we just be having tequila instead of coffee. Also, check out this post on what I want my neuro-typical daughter to know Ten Things I want my daughter to know.