5 Things Special Needs Moms Don’t Tell You

Special Needs Parents Mothers Truths Articles
Special Needs Parents Mothers Truths ArticlesSpecial Needs Parents Mothers Truths ArticlesSpecial Needs Parents Mothers Truths Articles

It sucks.

Every time someone finds out I have two autistic children I get pretty much the same response. It goes something like, “wow, that must be hard”. My response is pretty much the same too, “I guess oh, but they’re my kids, ya know.”

My special needs moms never give me that response, they just nod their heads, “Mhm, I know girl, I know.” I give them a non-verbal action back,

Autism Moms To Other Autism Moms

Enough said.

Ya, it’s hard, it downright sucks. But what kind of mom would I be if I shouted that, oh wait, I know,

An honest mom!

I contemplate putting tequila in my mug at least twice before 7 AM ever arrives.

Truth hahaha. When I wake up Little Miss Psychopath it’s a bloody nightmare. Whatever she’s doing that day she doesn’t want to do it. I could be taking that kid to Disneyland and she’d still have a meltdown upon waking. She told her BI today it was because she didn’t like surprises. The surprise she was referring to was when she asked me what was for dinner tonight and I told her what was for dinner tonight (excessive eye roll).

Sometimes I wish they were typical, but that would mean they wouldn’t be them.

I often wonder what things they could achieve without the extra challenges. Not that they can’t achieve them now, just that it’s a lot more work so they very well might not. It’s okay if they give up on somethings. But if they were typical what parts that I absolutely love would be gone? I just can’t go there with a mom who hasn’t gone there.

I am under more stress than you could ever imagine.

Honestly, I would never say that to a typical mom. Who am I to judge her stress? But also, I have a typical child and I know first hand it’s WAY easier and WAY less stress. I jump when the toaster pops up, not because I’m jumpy, because I think, “Oh no what was that!!” ( the scenarios that then run through my head are, someone jumped out their window, someone stuck a paperclip in the socket again, someone tried to force something through a wall or maybe Sir.E is just banging on his ceiling again from his closet, and around 100 more totally insane scenarios)  Then I remember I put a piece of bloody bread in the toaster a minute earlier. I couldn’t actually tell a typical mom those things, because I wouldn’t ever want to bring another mother down, ↞ clever rhyming on my part right there. A study done at the University of Wisconsin noted that Mothers of Autistic children are suffering from the same amount of stress a combat war veteran suffers from, except we’re raising kids and somewhat functioning in society all day.

Mom Reality

I cry over their special needs, tears of sadness.

We have to put a brave face on. When you become a special needs parent I think it’s a well-known fact that your kids change you. They force you to become the parent they need you to be. If you can be humble, it’s much less painful. That’s what you tell everyone, “oh I’m the lucky one”. Sure, I feel like that somedays. I feel blessed and lucky to have a chance to witness these amazing children, but I also still grieve for them and the hard life that lies ahead. The trials I have to witness every day right alongside those miracles. It’s heartwrenching to know they are in pain because of a disability and not be able to take that away. If you’ve ever had your child in the hospital, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Now do that every day. Relive that every day.

Like I said, it sucks. But also, it rocks. I promise I’ll do a positive post on this too, “5 things special needs moms brag about” to come next ;).

Are you a typical parent? I know you still feel these because I am too! Tell me about some of your feelings you can’t tell other moms! I’d love to hear them, obviously, there’s no judgement passed here bahahaha, we just be having tequila instead of coffee. Also, check out this post on what I want my neuro-typical daughter to know Ten Things I want my daughter to know.

T, xx







13 thoughts on “5 Things Special Needs Moms Don’t Tell You

  1. Thanks for sharing. I think moms with special needs children need to know that it’s ok not to be ok, and it’s ok to feel the way you do. Love your honesty

  2. Thank you for being so honest! It’s important to be real and relatable so other moms who might be feeling the same can know they are not alone. Xoxo

  3. I am also a Special Needs mom… I have 2 on the spectrum, and these hit home pretty hard! I can absolutely relate to all of these, especially puttin on the brave face! It’s hard when the outside world just doesn’t get it. It’s also hard to me to hear other mom friends bragging about those special milestones or how much their child talks etc.

  4. I respect your honesty so much. This line “They force you to become the parent they need you to be” hit home for me. No I am not a special needs parent, no I will never understand your stress but damn, I salute you and I honestly don’t even have the right words to say but thank you for being so open about it. I have. A friend who is and it gives me a whole new insight on this challenging but blessed journey. Keep your head up…tequila in the morning….doesn’t sound too bad for me this AM though 😂 I wrote a post about 5 things I hate about motherhood and got some slack cause of using the word HATE. I welcome all feedback bad or good but honesty is not everyone tea & that’s OKAY! sending love and positive vibes. Can’t wait to read the others. Sharing this too. ❤️

    1. Well thanks, darling, I loved your post about things you hate in motherhood! If people can’t handle the word “hate” they really need to get a bit more honest with themselves in my opinion, or maybe read The Giver to understand the difference btwn emotions and feelings lol. ” Feelings are just fleeting, on the surface, but emotions, they’re very deep, primal. They linger.”

  5. Love your honesty in this. My oldest has sensory processing disorder which is on the spectrum but not necessarily autistic. He’s fully “functioning” and will have a normal life apart from having to develop basic coping skills. Having seen other special needs moms at his OT sessions, though, I know how easy we have it and how blessed he is. Sending good vibes your way, momma. You got this!

    1. Ugghhh don’t sugar coat SPD, it seriously sucks haha. My youngest has SPD along with her autism and it drives me CRAZY! It’s so hard to try to understand and see ahead as to what might bother her and set her off. Your a tough mama to deal with that.

  6. With autism being 1 in 59 kids now, I’d say you might be in the typical mom category. I hate that you feel that you can’t be honest around “typical” moms. I’d hate for any mom friends of mine to feel like they couldn’t talk to me and spill their guts when they needed to.

    1. Hahaha, I will correct that quote to say “With ASD being 1 in 59 kids” While there are a lot of children diagnosed under the umbrella, most of those children will go on to support themselves and live on their own. It’s a totally different story when you know you will be caretaking a disabled dependant your entire life I think. I’ve got quite a large community of special needs moms and they all feel the same way, not that they can’t spill their guts, just that it doesn’t do much good unless the person on the other end is living through it too 😊. Sort of like trying to explain the feeling of tired after you have a baby to someone with no kids hahaha, they just don’t know in my opinion. Thanks for reading!

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