That last first day set him up for failure

My Sir.E started his last first day of elementary school last week. I was pretty excited for him to be finishing this journey, it sure hasn’t been an easy one. This last year with Sir.E has been horrendous.

HORRENDOUS.


Hormones are flying like dishes from an angry wife. Nothing I do as a mom seems right. Everything, and I mean EV-ER-Y-THIIING turns into a huge dispute and a ten hour discussion, where he shoots down every idea my useless mind can come up with and he always ends up in tears. THEN, when he needs someone to squeeze him tight, because you know, when you have SPD that calms you down! He’s to stubborn to let me! So he just cries some more! The odd time he is actually thinking, he’ll come for a squeeze to stop his meltdown, but most of the time he refuses and runs to his room to hide.

I’m going to try to end this rant so I can get to the first week of grade 6. But we both know more rant is going to come out, did I mention I’m not all that fond of the “tween” stage???


So, we get to the school after a nice walk and we already know what class he is assigned to. What we didn’t know, was who else was assigned to that class. On our way into the school I see the mom of one of Sir.E’s ASD friends, I say, “Hey, is A in Ms.K’s class?” she replies “No, he’s in Mr.C’s class isn’t Sir.E?” me, “No?”. For real? He’s been with two other boys who have ASD since grade two. They’ve been an amazing trio and have shared an EA basically their entire school career. I’m wondering why they aren’t together this year like the Student Services teacher said they would be? We go double check the class lists in the gym and we are off to get settled. My Designer Diva is so independent at this stage in her life, but I walk her to her grade four class anyway. She’s with an amazing teacher that Sir.E had in grade four and she’s thrilled to be in the same class as her BFF and to have her other BFF right next door. I settle her in and the teacher tells her how she has been looking forward to having her for two years. Lovely. I figure I should go check on Sir.E to make sure he went to his class and is settled. I see the mom of the other ASD boy in the trio and she informs me he also is in Mr.C’s class. I’m irritated now. I poke my head into Sir.E’s class to find their is only one kid who he knows that is nice to him. The other boys he knows have bullied him in the past, AND some of them are the kids I specifically asked him NOT to be put with. I wait 15 minutes to talk with the student services teacher.

I’m not impressed.

He informs me that the Union has settled and they are only allowed two special needs kids to one class now. AND, they don’t have an EA for Sir.E’s class.

Excuse me!

I don’t think so.

I feel some hot tears stinging my eyes and fight them back. Why do I have to be so emotional? Why does the school have to be so stupid? Why do dumb people make the rules that make it worse for kids? Why Sir.E?

I check on Sir.E before I leave, I see tears in his eyes too that he is fighting back. I quickly give him some encouragement and I’m off. The week goes horrible. On Friday afternoon I get a phone call from the school, the second time that day, it’s Sir.E’s teacher. She has him there in the office, he’s talked with the principal because there was an “incident”. Sir.E comes on the phone and bursts into tears. My heart breaks. I can’t even express how heart wrenching it was. He wants me to come get him, some boys in his class were calling him names. UGH.

I walk up to the school with Little Miss Psychopath and Sir.E’s dog. We get there and he is sitting with the principal on the bench. He’s so blotchy, he never breaks down in front of people so I know it must’ve been bad. I sit down and chat with the principal a bit, who is kind and knows what to say to Sir.E. But, he has no answer for me as to why there is no EA in his class. Sir.E’s teacher comes by to formally introduce herself and tell me a bit about what happened. The kids were doing group activities and she had left the room, fine in my opinion as they are in grade 6. While she was gone, their was a dispute between Sir.E and one of the boys in his group. Said boy proceeded to stand up with a boy who has been mean to Sir.E before and scream in his face, calling him a dummy in front of the class, screaming in his face until the teacher comes back. One boy stood up for him saying that was very rude and he shouldn’t say it, screaming boy kept screaming until Sir.E couldn’t handle it and started crying in front of the class. THEN stupid screaming boy started smirking and said “I don’t know why your crying it’s not that big of a deal”. Ummm….because he has AUTISM and is emotionally 4 years behind and ridiculously overwhelmed in every way!

You stupid, horrid little smirking brat, your mean and awful and I want to trip you every time you walk by me in the hall. I’m going to glare at you the rest of the school year when we see each other. What kind of pathetic boy pushes an Autistic boy to the point of crying in front of his peers. Your parents are doing something very wrong.

Sincerely, Sir.E’s angry Mom.

Don’t judge me for thinking those thoughts, I’m a special needs mom and you DO NOT mess with my babies.

Sir.E doesn’t melt down in front of people, so I know this had to be pretty awful for him, not only was he horrifically embarrassed, but he also didn’t know what to do without me. He is an internalizer, the teacher doesn’t know me or him very well, so she took him to a quiet room and turned the lights off and had the boy who stood up for him eat lunch with him there. Then when he still couldn’t calm down she let him call me, she was unsure if it was ok for him to call me during the day so tried to have him put it off, which I think made him feel even worse. She’s a lovely teacher, but my son needs an EA, that’s why there’s a dollar amount next to his name that goes to his school every year! Oh, did you forget about that $18,000 HES?!?!?!?!

Our behaviour consultant is meeting with the student services teacher for me, I will update you on how it goes, but for now, I remain disgustingly disappointed in our school system. Not only is my special needs child not getting the emotional support he needs, but he also will not be getting his education without someone to prompt and push him. He will get bullied and slip through the cracks. I will harass that principal until he cries…..;) kidding….. not about the harassing part obviously. I guess my rant turned from Sir.E to the mean, awful, smelly little red haired boy who doesn’t have a conscience.

T

 

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