25 HONEST things you should know before you embark on motherhood Part I

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KIDDING, I know y’all are mothers already! But you’ll still love this post.


# 1. Do you value your privacy? Get ready to kiss it goodbye. No I’m not talking about the Doctor asking you if the med student doing his practicum can take a look at your swollen lady parts.  No, I’m not even talking about you throwing privacy out the window when the nurse holding your leg tries to cover you up during labour and you kick her right in the face knocking two of her front teeth out, or imagining you did so only to yell in a possessed sounding voice “Don’t let that blanket touch me again or your dead!”. I’m talking about not peeing, showering, getting dressed or even sleeping without that little life sucking monster harassing you. Congratulations you just bred your own personal stalker ;).

# 2. How do you feel about cleanliness? Remember when you and your spouse thought about getting a dog? Maybe like me you researched different breeds, (wish I could’ve done that with my kids) and maybe like me you picked a breed with minimal shedding, or, maybe you didn’t, and you thought I’ll have time to vacuum a few times a week; well forget about shedding and say hello to cheerios crumbs mashed into juice and spit! Oh, and those few times a week you were going to vacuum, now they are spent cleaning puke off all of your best black sweaters.

# 3. Do you enjoy your monthly date night? You get dressed up, both hop in the car and head out to your favourite restaurant or pub, then off to a movie, or hey, why not try a new spot tonight?! But now, planning a night out takes more effort and time then it took  to plan your wedding. If you’ve got one little good luck finding a babysitter, and if you do, good luck being able to stay awake long enough to take in dinner AND a movie. If you’ve got two littles though, date night is now staying up to sort the laundry together! Don’t worry it’s normal for your priorities to change as you grow together 🙂

# 4. That closet full of clothes you have, enjoy it while it fits you. If you have the incredulous joy of birthing your child via cesarian, lose all the weight you want, without that natural birth those hips won’t lie! If your lucky enough to birth your child vaginally, I envy you, but I definitely don’t envy the fact that your most likely going to pee yourself for the rest of your life every time your spouse says something funny to you. Don’t worry it’s totally worth it to fit into those size fours again.

# 5. Have you ever fallen in love with someone so deeply you just knew you couldn’t live without them? Remember when you said your wedding vows? Well, just like everything else in your life that gets taken over and changed via the motherhood truck, so does your heart. You’ll never love more deeply then you do in the moment you meet that little bundle of terror. Instantly, every thought in you will change, as will the direction you are living your life. Now, and forever, every brain cell will be consumed with this tiny little destroyer of lives, every action and decision will revolve around this semi-permanent stalker. Yes, it’s true, nothing tops the joy you feel at the end of a day spent chasing around a naked terrorist, nothing brings more fulfilment in life.

T

 

 

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