I often smile and hold back tears with it. I know I’m not the only one who does.
I know you’ve died just as much as me, swallowed your pride too. I know that your heart is broken inside just like mine. Maybe your fake smile is better then mine, maybe you know how to push it out of your head and heart better then me.
That silly saying “you made your bed now lie in it”. Either that guy lived with nothing but regret or lived with no regret at all.
I say to live with no regret whenever someone asks me for advice on a decision, but the truth is, no matter what decision I make there will be regret in some form. Maybe that’s just because I overthink things for twenty years after they happen, or maybe it’s because I truly regret those choices. Those choices that take me farther from you then I’d like to be.
That pain feels fresh even though it’s not. New pain doesn’t even add to it anymore it just joins it in it’s full chorus. The kind of pain that feels so fresh that it takes your breath away, how do you smile that away? How do you hold those tears back with a smile? When do you choose to just let that pain flow freely? Never…..because it would never stop and letting it out wouldn’t help heal. The truth, is that I just learn to live with that pain and go through the motions anyway. Go through them with a smile that holds it all together. A gracious, polished and practiced smile that is believable.
That smile holds it all in.