"To be or not to be"……

“To be or not to be”…. The opening phrase in the soliloquy in William Shakespear’s play Hamlet. If you were lucky like me, you got to study this in High School ;). Prince Hamlet debates death and suicide. He complains about life and how unfair and painful it is (typical prince right?) but expresses his understanding that the alternative might still be worse. A tragic play, (Shakespeare’s fav) the main body follows a number of characters, one of which is Hamlet. Hamlet’s soul is torn up over wanting to avenge his fathers murder by his uncle/stepfather/new King Claudius (talk about a blended family).

“To be or not to be”…also a quote used numerous times in my life this week. I am currently going through career changes. I have a wonderful career and I was fairly set up for success for the rest of my life, until..the demands of my role changed (i.e.. went up). With three kids, one of which is diagnosed with ASD and one of which is going through an IHCAN (Interior Health Children Assessment Network) here in Canada an IHCAN gives you a final diagnosis on Autism Spectrum Disorder, and a new house, I had a big decision to make. Keep juggling my life with three kids, (needy kids, I taught em good) school, homework, extra curricular activities, a dog, land to take care of, a new house to set up and fix up, courses for my career and EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! Orrrrr….


Quit.

I quit.

I can’t believe it either!

This was a career I had, not a job, I mean I really really reeeeally love it. I love what I do…did.

But I constantly had this internal battle of being away from my kids so much. I mean, I consider myself to be fairly career oriented; In one of my previous posts I mentioned that I had kids before I met Dirty Gentleman, (always going to be an “insert awkward laugh here”) well, I also attended full time college with those two kids as a single mom before I met my one and only, but I am a mom first and foremost. In fact, I was finishing up school when we met and starting my career the fall we got married (but hey, that awesome bonus paid for our honeymoon!). So, I have been on this path since 2011 and it’s something I’m passionate about. Everyone tells me that’s hard to find, but me, I’m passionate about plenty. So back to my week, I quit, and decided I couldn’t put in 50 hrs a week anymore and that I needed to be home more. This was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, and oh boy is it ever bittersweet, I tear up everytime I think about the choice I made and felt I had to make. I have nothing against those of you moms who can do that, in fact, I “high hands touching” to you. And to those of you who stay home, I envy you and wish I could be at home all the time AND be sane, but apparently, I just don’t have the same great mental capacity you do, so I “high hands touching” you too!!!

So now, “to be, or not to be”? Did I make the right choice, was it fuelled by pure emotion like Hamlet? or was it well thought out and the “right thing to do”?

Who cares! A good friend told me this week, no matter what decision you make, your the one who turns it into a success or a fail. I know, I have super insightful friends that are full of depth, it’s awesome. So, I will make a success of it, I will make a success of part time work, and appointments in speech therapy, and hearing tests, and IHCAN’s, and paediatricians, and admin work when I have a diploma, tears of pain, and tears of joy, watching one of them take two steps backward while the other takes five leaps forward, one having a tantrum in Wal-Mart, and the other perfectly poised and well mannered. I will succeed at completely changing my life, and at the new path I’m headed for, I will go through interviews while I have three kids and limited time with the babysitter, and I will proudly tell my future employer why I want to be part time at a flexible admin position and why I GAVE UP MY CAREER. I will wear this new badge with pride and an enormous smile, because I know, I will never regret giving up anything in my life for my children.

So to you who are venturing out into the work force and to you who have full time careers, and to you who stay at home, and to you who have part time jobs, wear who you are with pride, because “to be or not to be” “your the one who turns it into a success or a failure”.

This post fuelled by Katy Perry’s Roar….

T 😀

Below me winning my first trophy at work and me after quitting…..making myself happy in both worlds

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